I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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