I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
