I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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