nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
