You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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