would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
