i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
