Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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