Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
