Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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