We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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