today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
