just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im part way to drunk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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