sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
