my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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