nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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