Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
