worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
