why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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