He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
