All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
