The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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