i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
COCAINE IS GR8
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
