I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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