glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
