I wish I could punch you in the face.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
