I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
