I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
