Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
