I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
