Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
