I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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