I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
