Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The Olympian is in my bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
