9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
