Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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