no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
