im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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