So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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