OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
