so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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