FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
