I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
