just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
