Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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