I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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