My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
