Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
