You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
