It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
