I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
