I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
